Being single has its perks. You are free to mingle and meet as many guys as you want. Downside; you see a lot of jerk moves. Here’s just a few of them. Compliments of yours truly:)
1. If you are going to ask a girl out when you already have a girlfriend, make sure you’re smart about it. When a guy asks for my number of course it goes one of two ways. If I decide to say yes, I always ask to input the number myself. That’s because guys generally don’t expect you to ask for their phone and often have their girlfriends as wallpapers. (It’s always good to know if there’s a girlfriend in the picture. Just so you’re not surprised)
And if they are like this “smartguy” named Shingi who I met sometime late last year, they have neutral wallpaper, like a car or something. Bad luck for Shingi, his girlfriend decided to call while I was in the process of inputting my number. Worst luck for our smart guy was that he hadn’t thought to give her a code name. Anyway, “wifey” must have some major telepathic powers or a really great spying satellite because needless to say, I didn’t stick around for that call to end.
2. Just because a woman is talking to you does not mean she is flirting with you. Just because a woman is talking to you does not mean she is flirting with you. Just because a woman is talking to you does not mean she is flirting with you! I hope that really makes it clear because it seems to cause a lot of problems with the other sex. Guys often interpret girls being nice or just holding up a conversation as real interest. This leads to another small point; girls can actually have male friends that they have no intention of dating. I, for one prefer having guy friends because guys tend to be drama-free (with a few exceptions here and there). So if I ever say we are friends, don’t chill in the friend zone for years hoping I’ll change my mind. Odds are quite high I won’t.
3.If you are going to ask to look through my photo gallery, DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT check out my girlfriends. Resist the temptation. There have been times in the past year that I have entertained the thought of leaving the single life if only temporarily. There was this one guy; we can call him The Engineer. I kinda fancied the Engineer but one day I caught him zooming in on a picture of a close friend of mine. It had been taken at a braai we had had at the end of high school and she’d been wearing shorts which showed off her great legs. That was the last of the Engineer. J
4. I know listening isn’t a man’s greatest attribute. Pretending to listen, however, can be a hell of a lifesaver. You all know how in all the great comedies, all the married men pretend to listen to their wives rant on about the “Ms-Annoying-so-and-so” at work. All the husband has to do is nod a couple of times and throw in a couple of “Yes, babe” in there, and he lives to see another day. Obviously guys are missing this lesson. More and more, my conversations go like this;
Self-centred guy(SCG); hi
Me; hey hey
SCG; how are you doing?
Me; I’m happy/I’m tired/I’m dying. (doesn’t really matter because he’s not listening)
SCG; I was asked to give a speech in front of thirty important people today/I met these really important people today. (Read; I had an important day today. I got to do really important stuff which obviously matter more than anything that you are going through. Me asking how you are doing was just a common courtesy I was bestowing upon you. I really don’t care what you have to say.)
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind hearing about guys’ important achievements, but I think all relationships are a two-way street. Just a few weeks ago, one guy went as far as to ask me how I was doing, and before I could give an answer, proceeded to tell me how he was doing. If you are going to ask me out, no matter how much more interesting your life is, pretend to at least be interested in mine.
5. Itai asked me one day what girls mean when they say “He wasn’t man enough for me” Couldn’t come up with an answer but I think it is somehow linked to why girls seem to go for “the bad guys”. So many times, guys who are under the impression that they are the good guys, complain that girls seem to go for the bad guys, only to get hurt. The real story is that girls want a balance. They want a guy who’s gonna treat them well. A real nice guy. On the other hand, the nice guy must not be a wuss. Girls like to feel like you have more testosterone than they do. So find your balance.
6. So this one doesn’t really have anything to do with relationships or dating, but if you’re a guy and you’re reading this, please note; no sane girl finds these sexy.
They were not a good idea when women first wore them. And I can imagine they provide quite a bit of erm… breathing space ;p but no. They just look like you’re in need of a diaper change
7. BONUS. These are the thoughts of a good friend of mine, Ancillar. (please note, these are not my views even though we seem to agree on certain things)
a. Crying over “The Notebook”? Really? So not attractive.” (refer to number 5)
b. Don’t compare us to other girls out there. I will never look like Gisele Bunchen.
c. I love my friends. They might be rude and loud but tolerate them, just like how I tolerate your sweaty, football-loving friends.
d. Every anniversary is important. You might not get why. And I might say I don’t want anything; best believe I actually mean I want something damnit. (though I am inclined to say just make up your mind damnit!!)