Yohwe!!!; My unsolicited advice to to all my “sisters” out there

“Yohwe” is a statement I generally reserve for things that shock me a great deal but recently I have discovered I have been saying it more and more often. It’s not that I think I am perfect that I generally voice my opinions on what people should and should not do especially when it comes to fashion. I have my fair share of bad hair days and bad outfit choices but eish… of late Zimbabwean women have been making me feel pretty damn close to perfect. In response, I have come up with a list of “Whats hot, whats not and what never will be” just to help some of us get off the “Yohwe list”

What’s hot; High heels. It is common knowledge that heels enhance a woman’s natural frame. (I personally normally prefer looking at them and admiring them than actually wearing them but I do know that I look good in them)

What’s not; High Heels that just scream “I am employed by the night industry”. NB that the night industry is not limited to ladies who prowl the street but also those that prowl the skies.

What never will be; wearing shoes you can’t walk in. In my book, this is one of the worst sins you can ever commit. Learn how to walk in your shoes before you go out in public. After I got my first pair of 6 inch heels (huge thanks to my clairvoyant style-forward cousin Sam who knew the girl in me would surface sooner or later), I waited a full 6 months before taking them out on the town. PS heels never will be appropriate wear for a sporting event. EVER!

What’s hot; black translucent stockings are great for the almost short dresses.

What’s not; there is no middle ground on this one for me

What never will be; Fishnets. NO. NO. NO. Ladies. Please hear me when I say Never. Nets will always look tacky and cheap. Flash history lesson. Fishnet stockings were first worn in the 1800s. They were first seen in Paris and did not really make their way to the United States until the early part of the 1900s. Even then they were usually only worn by performers or prostitutes.

What’s hot; Red/pink lipstick. This is a trend I have seen “pataundi”  of late; Black girls taking a bold stand and wearing a bold colour. And I admire all those who have 1.The courage to do so and 2. Know how to pull it off.

What’s not; what I do not admire are the girls who don’t want to bother doing some research  when they do something. I always say, when you do something, make sure you do it well. With technology, advice on how to apply lipstick is only a Google click away. Some of you leave the house looking like you’ve been drinking someone’s blood. Only 2 weeks ago I sat across a girl who looked like she had missed the corners of her mouth when applying her lipstick and looked like she had run out in the middle and had decided that “half the lips are better than nothing.”

What never will be; Wearing the wrong shade. This is another unforgivable sin. It is time Zimbo women learnt what works for them and what doesn’t. Don’t be the kind of girl who jumps on every trend train that comes along. And it’s helpful to have that one friend who has good fashion sense and who is honest. (The latter trait being more important of course.)

What’s hot; Good makeup that enhances your natural beauty. It’s cool to wear foundation(again right shade-no Fanta face and Coca cola legs) and whatever else you want, just make good choices.

What’s not; Not knowing how to apply your makeup or applying too much. The latter is a problem in summer especially because faces start looking like they are melting in the heat. I’m not a guy and cannot speak for them but I sure wouldn’t like it if my girlfriend’s face started coming off on a date.

What never will be; Too much make-up. The issue with these ladies isn’t that they pick the wrong shade of foundation or can’t apply it, these ladies just don’t know where to stop. They are only satisfied when they look like they got gangbanged by their make-up bag.

What’s hot; trimming your eyebrows.

What’s stupid; shaving all your eyebrows off only to draw them on again. I always feel sorry for anyone who has to wake up to a wife, sister or mother with no eyebrows.

What’s hot; Weaves. So it’s no secret i am not a weave fan. Never had one in my life and don’t plan on but I am all for accepting people and respecting their choices. If it’s a weave you want, go for it.

What’s not hot However is when you get a bad weave…I cannot express how much I hate the shiny plastic weave, the badly sewn weave( you know, the one that looks like it was perched on top of the head and you just will a small gust of wind to just ruffle it to see whether it will fly off) or the weave that has fallen into such a bad condition it now looks like a gumbeze.

What never will be; Shaving half your head and then getting a weave. This is even more stupid than the shaving of the eyebrows because at least the eyebrows take a shorter time to grow back. Now that I am done with my venting…What advice do you have for the ladies out there?

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8 comments on “Yohwe!!!; My unsolicited advice to to all my “sisters” out there

  1. mawk2014 says:

    You took this one home girl! Proud of you, let them know how to dress

  2. noreen says:

    Wise words Gwen..been reading your articles all dae…n I bin bragging to my neighbours about having a frand who he’s a cool blogg¤¤

  3. Hahahahaha #dead# Gwen this just made my day. I loved it, and yes I totally agree with all this cause I find my eyes popping out when I see some fashion trends out here in town. Some much needed advice to sisters out there.

  4. Thanks for your venting and l agree with you on most of the issues you raised and thanks for bringing them up…… only wish we could learn and listen then follow. Brilliant

  5. Rutendo muwori says:

    I have to say , i am SO proud you decided to do this – hilariously funny, (yes redundancy for emphasis ,witty, painfully honest and genuine. I recommend everyone i know to follow this blog , now for me to figure out how i can follow .. *purses lips*

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